Tuesday, February 28, 2006


So, have you heard about this "Poker" game that is apparently all the rage? "Texas Hold Them Poker"?

Some guy I sat next to on the bus the other day started telling me about this game. He was talking non-stop about his pocket snowmen and his rainbow flops and catching trips on the river, and all kinds of junk that made no sense. It was very, very annoying.

Every other passenger on the bus cheered when I ate his brains.

Then I ate all of their brains, too.

That's a good story.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


You ever wake up late at night and have a craving for some weird food for a midnight snack? That happened to me last night. I woke up and I could not stop thinking about eating Maria Bamford's brains. Sadly, I was fresh out.

I wonder if the Comedians of Comedy are still touring.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Today, instead of doing something useful like tracking down some brains, and eating said brains, I spent my valuable time on the internets, following a fake flame war between Warren Ellis and Joss Whedon, and looking up The Gary Coleman Show on IMDb.

Man, I don't even deserve brains today.

Monday, February 13, 2006


As I'm sure you're all aware, the zombie Olympics are being held concurrently with the "real" Olympics. Zombie Jim Thorpe lit the torch. It was very moving.

My favorite event is brain curling. No matter who wins, at the end, you stick the broom handle into the brain: everybody gets brainsicles!

Saturday, February 11, 2006


Sometimes people ask me, "Zombie Tom? What is the most perfect song ever created by which to eat brains?"

And I always tell them: "Rainbow in the Dark," by Ronnie James Dio.

Then I fire up the iPod, and eat the hell out of their brains.

Friday, February 10, 2006


Zombie Tom's answer to today's Friday Five:

1. Brains.
2. Brains.
3. Brains.
4. Hot Shots Golf 3.
5. Brains.

You can pretty much just fill that in for every week.

Thursday, February 09, 2006


I love it when someone says, "I'm the brains behind this organization," or, "I'm the brains of this outfit," or whatever.

Under zombie law, that is an explicit and legally-enforceable invitation to brain-eating. In fact, I could get in trouble for not eating your brain after that.

It's like inviting a vampire into your home. What did you think was gonna happen?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Hey, remember when I said Stephen King should write a zombie novel?

Ooh, scary cell phones.

I take it back.