I have a joke:
Brains who OH GOOD LORD PLEASE STOP EATING MY BRAINS AIIEEE BLARGLE GASP.
It's funnier in person.
I have a joke:
Can I tell you a secret? Sometimes I get a little sick of brains.
Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! I almost wrote "Brians" instead of "Brains" just now! Har-de-har!! Isn't that high-larious? Ho ho ho, ho-ho. It is to laugh. Hee! Ahh, me.
Oh, dude, those were some good brains.
Do you know what I miss about being alive?
You know what I hate? When the surviving humans shoot you and stuff, just because you want to crack open their skulls and devour the still-twitching brains inside. What's their deal?
If a genie appeared to me and offered me three wishes, do you know what I would wish for?
Today is tax day. Instead of frantically computing and filing my income tax, which is what I would have been doing, I find myself trapped in the re-animated husk of a human body, bereft of intelligence, driven only by my neverending hunger for brains, brains, and more brains.
Remember the movie Forrest Gump? Remember Forrest's friend, Bubba, who could only talk about shrimp, and all the ways he liked to eat shrimp? Bubba sure loved him some shrimp. "Pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp..." Kind of like me and brains. You know how much I like brains?
Even though I'm a zombie, and I'm cursed to wander the earth, damned to an existence neither alive nor dead, plagued by a ceaseless, bottomless, agonizing craving for human brains -- even with all that going for me, I'm still a little dissatisfied with my situation.
I saw Eva Longoria today. She's a zombie, too. I offered her some brains I had, and she totally ate them all! Jeez! That's the last time I do that.