Thursday, June 30, 2005


Okay, I might as well 'fess up as to why I haven't yet seen the Master's grand finale to his Dead tetralogy (that's right, I said tetralogy). It's not like you haven't read about it in the gossip sheets already.

So, here it is: I lied about going on vacation last week. The truth is, I was in court-ordered rehab for brain addiction at Betty Ford. And while I was there -- hoo, this is tough! -- while I was there, I... I ate Christian Slater's brains.

And Anne Heche's.

And Whitney Houston's.

And I'm very very sorry. I --

Oh, and one of the Olsen twins. I forget which one. But she was only there for "exhaustion" (wink, wink).

I know this was detrimental to my recovery process, and --

Oh, yeah, Robert Downey, Jr. was there, too. But he was also in for brain-eating. And I don't even think he's a zombie! Last I saw him, I think he was chasing Lindsay Lohan ("stress" -- wink!).

And I promise I won't do it again. I realize now I need to take my life one brain at a time.

Day! One day at a time.

Ah, the hell with it. Where's Ben Affleck?? I don't care if he's on his honeymoon! BRING ME THE AFFLECK!!


Blogger Archangel_Rokan said...

Ah. Don't worry about it. I as an archangel know that people must die (its kinda my job). Infact I was considering looking in to how many sins those people have on their plates (any more than ten and I could kill them). But hey you did my job for me, just make sure you got all of their brains (we wouldn't want any of them coming back as zombies, it would kinda insult the zombie race). Oh and don't worry I have a policy of not dealing with zombies. ONCE again I say don't worry about eating brains its your job.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Archangel_Rokan said...

I forgot, why didn't you just eat the brains of everyone in the court room when you got sentenced. That way you could have skipped the clinic.

7:52 PM  
Blogger HP said...

Thank you for saying "tetralogy."

I don't care how good a movie Aliens IV is, I can't bring myself to touch the stupid, illiterate box it comes in.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Zombie_Tom said...

Thumbs up from the angel re: brain-eating. Cool.

And I couldn't get at the brains in the courthouse. They went all Hannibal Lecter on me.

1:51 PM  
Anonymous zombie_matchmaker said...

well, if you do decide to finish out the tetralogy, you might want to consider a date with this fine young lady. i think she'd love to meet you. :D

1:54 PM  
Blogger Zombie_Tom said...

HP: No kidding. "Quadrilogy"? Idiots.

Zombie Matchmaker: Thanks for the tip! I'd love to meet her, too. Do you think she'd let me eat her brains on the first date?

3:53 PM  
Blogger Gordon said...

Zombie Tom,

In my opinion, you did a great public service. Kudos to you.

4:10 PM  
Anonymous Steve said...

Hmm. Me thinks you probably barely got a mouthful of brains outta that whole bunch of celebs.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Zombie_Tom said...

Gordon -- I aims to please.

Steve -- They're filling, but not nutritious. And an hour later, I'm hungry again.

9:00 PM  

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