Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Brains.

Well, it's about time!

The Zombie Uprising has begun, and I am all over it. In fact... I sort of started it.

I was in Starbucks, and I just wanted a caramel frappuccino, I swear. The "barista" (if that is a real word, and I suspect it isn't) asked me what size I wanted, and I said, "Small." And he said, "Do you mean tall?"

I thought he had misheard me (I have trouble enunciating ever since my tongue fell out), so I said, "No, I want a small."

He said, "A small is a tall." And I said, "That doesn't make any sense. Tall sounds like a large drink." And he said, "Not here at Starbucks!"

And then I looked at the board on the wall, and said, "Oh, I guess grande is a large, then." And he said, "No, grande is a medium." And I said, "But grande literally means 'large' in Italian," and he said, "Starbucks isn't Italian," and I said, "Well, you're trying to be all faux-Italian, aren't you, Mr. Barista," and he said, "Whatever, our large is called a venti," and that's when I ate his brains. Stuffed them in the blender, added some ice and caramel and whipped cream, and had me a brain frappuccino. Dee-lish!

Then I started eating everybody else's brains, and things got kind of out of hand. Next thing you know: Zombie Uprising.

I'm just taking a break from all the brain eating, blogging from my laptop in the Starbucks. Free wi-fi! If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try to track down Ashley Tisdale and eat her brains before the military gets things back under control. (I'm a big fan of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.)

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah those Starbucks size terms do get confusing...

You forgot to mention how the brain frap tasted!! Must've been pretty yummy since you did it to more people, right?

How bout people like Paris Hilton or the Olsen Twins...
Here's a glimpse of what you probably want them to look like before you gobble them up...
www.hollywoodzombies.com

3:07 PM  
Blogger Zombie Tom said...

The brain frap was delicious. Plus: no caffeine! I served it in the barista's skull. What size cup is that, Starbucks?!? HUH?? HUH???

Re: Paris -- I need brains. She can't help me there.

1:07 AM  
Blogger Donovan S. Brain said...

Yeah, Paris would definitely be the demitasse size brain.

5:17 AM  
Anonymous ben said...

How did I miss the zombie uprising? See, that's what happens when you never leave your bomb shelter. I keep telling myself to get out more, if even for an iced coffee. Sigh.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Zombie Tom....you are hilarious...obviously, your zombie brain is intact! Have you seen all the zombie flicks out there? A close friend produced this independent, wry take on zombie vs. spy gentre. If you are interested, check this out. If not, feel free to delete this comment. Either way, keep up the humor zombie or otherwise! zombiefriendjen http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=awaken+the+dead&tag=googhydr-20&index=dvd&hvadid=1104657581&ref=pd_sl_7nbg2c1ql3_e

8:55 AM  

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