If I were to have my own TV sitcom, I think I'd like to play the comically uptight owner of a delightful little bed and breakfast located in a quaintly colorful small town. My staff would include a wacky chef, possibly with a funny accent, a surly but lovable handyman, and a pretty maid who may or may not be in love with me as the owner.
Then, every night, we would feast on the brains of our guests in a horrifically graphic and violent orgy of gore.
Maybe I would have a catch phrase, too. "Them brains is grub-a-licious!!"